Thursday, 28 April 2011

Culinary Abortions

As a complete fatarse. I like food. Possibly more than skinny people, possibly not.

As a poor person, I like cheap shit. Sometimes, I get creative when I'm hungry, but it's still cheap, just more interesting.

So, the other day, I had next to Fuck all in the cupboards, it was pretty dire. So, as you do, I slung it together and hoped for the best.

I had:

1 x Garlic and Herb Chicken Breast.
1 x bag of Rice
3 x Microwaveable Dumplings
A load of other shit that doesn't go together in ANY way whatsoever.

A series of Spices I've bought at some point when I've thought "I can cook nice stuff! Everyone will come over and love my food and I'll be famous among my friends for good food!" - funnily enough, this has NEVER happened.

So, I slung the breast in the oven. and Put the rice in the pan, and added a splash of soy, some chicken seasoning, some star anise, some cinnamon, a kaffir lime leaf, and a bit of dried galangal to the rice.

I cooked it, shoved it on a plate, and thought "I want some bread to mop up any juicy bits at the bottom of the rice."

I was out of bread. Bollocks.


Anyway, the dumplings and the chicken were quite nice with the rice, which I don't think came out too bad either, it wasn't like anything I'd tasted before. It wasn't BAD and it wasn't boring, but it wasn't memorable, I've forgotten the taste already.

Speaking of taste, I'm sure most of you (or at least the British ones) have eaten Baked Beans on Toast at some point in life. And those who enjoy this, may find that beans today just aren't the same as they were some 5 or 10 years ago.

I've found a way. I'm not sure how close to the mark I am, but I find a splash of soy (yeah, I know, I saw some girl do it in a greasy spoon cafe and they tasted great), a little brown sauce, and a little extra salt, and a little bit of butter, makes them taste so much better.

As you can see by the pic, I love the toast covered in butter, the beans and sausage variety, and the whole fucking tin, I don't do half measures with beans on toast, this is a hangover cure, and a meal during poverty. Beans on toast is the fucking mutts nuts! Accept no substitutes! Spaghetti hoops are for children and cunts!


  1. butter and toast. is there anything science cant do?

  2. Man, it's all so much more varied than my diet... meat, cheese, eggs and sugar-free jello for this diet. It hurts every time I walk past a bakery lol

  3. hmmm i prefer ranch style beans lol

  4. the beans n toast n little something is wow.. looks good :)

  5. That actually looks pretty good, nice budget cooking!

  6. This is some nice cooking. I wouldn't choose it over corn dogs but you made it with what you had.
    Good job, it looks delicious and I just want you to know that your a lot better cook than I will ever be.